


It's Not Your Fault

by daddyzanchez



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 20:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11494290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyzanchez/pseuds/daddyzanchez
Summary: 2D hears Murdoc having nightmares and comes in to give him a glass of water.





	It's Not Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Because I've been watching some of my favourite movie scenes tonight, one of them being the powerful as fuck scene from Good Will Hunting, I felt like writing some abuse-victim!Murdoc.

“ _Useless_ , that's what you are, you little shitstain,” Sebastian's voice was stern and Murdoc felt himself gripping at the hand that wrapped around his throat. It was unbelievable how tight it could feel around his neck, squeezing him so his tongue felt too big for his mouth. The last word echoed in his head, being repeated over and over again like some kind of chanting that made Murdoc's skin crawl and the hand feel impossibly tighter. Nails were digging into his skin now and he felt tears form at the corners of his eyes, not able to help them stop from spilling down his cheeks. He wasn't sure if the tears were from the choking or the feelings running through his body at the moment but he hoped to everything between heaven and hell that it wasn't the latter. He knew better than not to shut everything off when his father's drunken rage took over. His voice was heard again, “ _Useless_ and _nothing_ more, couldn't even earn me some goddamn money. All you had to do was play your part and start singing. I thought music was your passion?” Murdoc's eyes widened as he felt his vision go blurry, suddenly seeing his father grow into a giant before him until he felt like an ant in his hand. The words were still repeating and Murdoc looked up to find himself standing in his father's palm, fingers closing down over him like he had done to tiny and helpless bugs when he was a kid.

Murdoc sat up quickly, panting heavily and reaching for his throat. He looked around, concluding that he was in his bedroom, alone and not with his father anywhere near him. Still, it didn't soothe him at all and his heartbeat didn't calm down in the slightest.

It was the fourth time this week, and it was only Friday night, that he had woken up by nightmares. They had started already when he was a child but for some reason, they were becoming more frequent and vivid. He connected it to his decreasing amount of alcohol abuse, it might have started making his mind more clear. A couple of years ago, he would've been too drunk to even dream but now was different.

Murdoc bent his legs, resting his head on his knees and quietly counted to ten. He desperately wanted a drink, fingers twisting in the sheets at the thought of a nice glass of whiskey or rum. He breathed shallowly, closing his eyes but quickly opening them again as the picture of his father was still shown as a slideshow behind his eyelids, “Fuck…”

A knock was heard on the door and Murdoc lay down as fast a he could, clearing his throat, “Come on in.”

“Hey, can't sleep?” It was 2D, leaning against the doorframe. He was still dressed, didn't look at all as if he had been sleeping.

“Why do you ask?” Murdoc questioned, sitting up again and pulling the cover down to expose himself to the warm room.

“Bad dream?” 2D simply urged on and it was confirmed to Murdoc that he had heard him, how much noise had he been making? 2D tilted his head, “You were screaming again, just wanted to check on you. I brought you a glass of-”

“Whiskey?”

“...Water.”

“Fine, bring it over here.”

2D walked to the bed and held out a glass, that clearly was crizzling, filled with cold water from the tap. He handed it to Murdoc, who gulped a large amount of it in one go and then placed it on the bedside table.

“Thank you, Dents,” he said, looking anywhere else but at him. He swung his legs out over the edge of the bed, figuring that what he needed was to walk around for a little bit.

“What did you dream?” 2D asked before Murdoc could stand from the bed, moving back and forth on his heels. Murdoc looked up at him with a raised brow and stayed silent. 2D raised a brow in return, “Well?”

“Errh, my father,” he finally replied, losing eye contact with him, “You know how it is.”

“You never talk about him or the dreams so no,” 2D sighed, sitting down beside him.

Murdoc narrowed his eyes, reaching grab his lighter and pull a cigarette out of a package that laid on his nightstand. He put it to his lips and lit it, taking a long drag and then exhaled, “What is there to say? It's just nightmares.”

“But is there anything you want to say?” 2D tilted his head, “It must've been.. difficult or somefink.”

“No.”

“Oh okay.”

There was a long pause, none of them saying anything at all. The only sound was the sound of Murdoc's exhales as he smoked his cigarette, occasionally offering 2D a drag. Suddenly, Murdoc changed his mind and broke the silence.

“He beat me, 2D, he beat the everliving shit out of me, and I can't stop seeing him in my dreams. He won't leave me alone, and the cigarettes…” He remembered it all very vividly, how his father had humiliated him, blamed him for everything and put cigarettes out on his skin. Murdoc felt his throat constrict, causing him to swallow hard and feeling pathetic for rambling, “What's wrong with me? Why did he hate me so much?”

“There's nothing wrong with you, Muds,” 2D quickly interrupted, sitting down besides him, “Do you understand that? Nothing is wrong with you.”

“A lot of shit is wrong with me, don't you fucking give me that crap,” Murdoc automatically pulled further away from him, there was no way 2D was getting to him in the middle of the night, “Don't you try and tell me there isn't.”

“Okay, there's a lot of stuff wrong with you.”

“Sod off.”

“All I'm saying is… what he did to you, it's not your fault.” The sentence made Murdoc's stomach drop, and a weird feeling bubbled up inside of his chest.

“What? Don't you think I know? He was a poor excuse for a human being, if he could even be considered that,” he huffed in response, hand running through his black hair.

“No, you don't,” 2D said, turning towards him as Murdoc turned further away, “You don't understand it, it's not your fault, Murdoc.”

“What are you now? My therapist?” Murdoc snarled, the feeling spreading throughout his body. It felt like panic and he could feel his body tense up at the sudden emotion.

“No, Murdoc,” 2D soothed, reaching out for him but Murdoc flinched as if burnt, “Look at me, please. It's not you and it's not your fault. Never was and never will be.”

Murdoc turned towards him for the first time and his emotions, which had bubbled up inside of him, were released by pushing 2D hard into the wooden head of the bed. He whimpered, holding his shoulders tightly but otherwise didn't show any new emotion. Instead, he sat up again and looked at Murdoc sympathetically, “Murdoc. You know I'm right, don't you?”

Murdoc looked down, feeling tears well up his eyes and the worst part was that he had no idea how such a simple choice of words could have such an effect on him. He mostly blamed it on his loss of proper sleep, not wanting to admit what it really was; the first time someone had said such a thing to him.

“It's okay,” 2D said and Murdoc felt a hand being placed on his back, “Muds, it's okay to be angry, I know you are and I am too sometimes.”

Murdoc finally gave in to his touch and leaned into him, placing his head on his shoulder and felt all the emotional stress being released once again in just two minutes, “I'm so tired, Stuart, of everything.”

“I know, Muds,” 2D’s hand slowly ran up and down his back, “It's okay.”

“No, it isn't. It's not okay,” he shook his head, suddenly feeling smaller than ever. Nobody ever said these things.

“I know, but it is what it is,” 2D continued, feeling a wet patch form on his shoulder due to tears dripping onto his shirt, “And that's okay.”

Murdoc could feel his whole body tremble in the singer’s arms and somehow it was okay, just for a moment, to be fucked up. 2D gripped at him and pushed him to sit again but before Murdoc could say anything to it, 2D had pulled him in for a hug and it was only then that Murdoc started crying for real. He sobbed, face in the crook of 2D’s neck and arms around his waist, and it was the best feeling he had had in years. The most real feeling in forever.

* * *

None of them were sure of how much time passed after that but Murdoc nearly fell asleep on him, making 2D squirm uncomfortably underneath him. When the singer tried to leave, Murdoc begged him to stay and 2D ended up sleeping on the floor. When they both were tucked in and ready to sleep, 2D smiled, “Don't worry, Murdoc, I'm not gonna leave you.”


End file.
